LiFe

Haiz.... as usual at work in the morning feeling very sick yet no one cares including my boyfriend... I seriously dun understand why ....

After wat i said to him few weeks back it seem tat our relationship haven been so well... Guess i really mess up everything. I should have juz keep my mouth shut or either be firm with my decision that time but i couldn't make it as i really treasure this relationship so much that i really dun wan to let go but smtimes when i think about it i feel like im wasting my time on things that i have no confidence in. what am i suppose to do? i noe im gonna regret letting go this relation but i really feel insecure when im with him. maybe is because of how we start in this relationship that makes me feel so insecure . Although he have been treating me very nice or even give in to me everytime yet i still feel insecure. He never throw his temper on me no matter how unreasonable i am he juz wont get angry. Issit because he love me too much that he cannot bare to even scold me? or is he juz trying to persuade himself that in a relationship there should be give and take? but what he is doin making me more insecure because he never show his true color to me... to me i feels that juz the mattter of time that he will exploded and said forget it i dun wan anymore. den wat am i suppose to do when this day come? should i be happy that he finally let me go? or should i blame myself never try hard enuf to understand his needs?

Whenever he tells me that is none of my business that he break up with his ex-gf but is not convince enuf for me. I owes thought that he is using me to forget his 8 yrs gf. wat ever he says to me never ever once convince me that he doesnt love his ex-gf anymore and is me that he love. 8 yrs lei how do u expect me to believe that? I tried my best to believe in him but Im someone who will never ever make myself hurt. I agree that im selfish, im juz protecting myself, i dun wan to get hurt. Issit wrong? is not the 1st time i tell u that i wan to break up, i know whenever i say this u will be very hurt but im really scare that one day when u come and tell me that u dun wan me anymore.... is not that i cannot take it, is juz that i dun wan to waste my time dragging with you when i have no confidence at all that im gonna be with you till the end.

Lately after what happen i see changes in u. So r u gonna fix the 2 yr thing? if you do pls let me noe. is not that i dun love u is juz tat i dun think that we can be together so y wanna waste our time. To me you never show that u gonna be with me for the rest of your life. do you noe that when you say that you wanna make me pregnant im really very scare u noe. but u never once say that you wan to married me, u only says that u wan the baby. so wat do u think that will come to my mind? you never care bout me at all wat u care is u wan babies only. do u think that whenever u said all these is funny if you trying to tell me that is juz joking? i dun take this kind of jokes lo i take it seriously to the extentd i think that i should juz let go this relationship as i dun see a point of happiness with you in my future.

You said this b4 :
there is this 2 person walking on the beach but end up with only one foots step is not because the other person have been left out but is been carried by the other person. i remember this very well because i wanna tell you that i wanna walk with you side by side not by you carry-ing me in the back. remember the reason that i tell u? if you dun wan to face everything with me den y do u need me for? arent you tired?

In love is a wonderful thing but why it feels so tiring to me.