After a long weekend rest yet i still feel very tired....Maybe i should make some changes in my life.... Well i cant be like this for the rest of my life, before everything is too late maybe i should start to think carefully what i really wan in my life. Should i just continue with what im doin now or should i make a big step out for a better future? Good question.....Hmmzzz......Maybe i should start by thinking what exactly that i really wan in life...Well talk about long weekend....It is really really very bored weekend as i can say.... Watched Butterfly Lover on Friday night. Well surprisingly that my boyfriend actually bought the ticket to watch with me for once he watch this kind of movie with me as he never like this type of show cuz to him is a waste of time and money but he did make an afford to company me watch is really nice of him to do so. Thank you very much. I appreciate what he did. Saturday was the most terrible day of my life....stayed home the whole day never even step out of the house the whole day. I almost bored to death....Since that Friday night and Saturday night never go out clubbling so i manage to persuade my boyfriend to go out on Sunday night but then is a bit disappointed. Wasn't really that fun anymore. Well looks like is time for me to stop clubbing le since is no longer that fun anymore. As usual i never club enough for me to say that i wanna go home is owes smthing else that happen make me with no choice but to go home un-willingly, well no choice. Maybe i should just stop as there is no more fun anymore no point make myself so unhappy whenever i go out. ~ GOOD LUCK TO ME ~
Today is Friday again.......As usual every monday when i start work i'll think of Friday but today im not really that happy I also dunno why.....Usually when friday comes i'll be very happy maybe because for the past 1 month plus every friday i'll go out clubbing but from now onwards i decided to quit clubbing so a bit sad....Because of him i stop clubbing for 2 yrs my precious 2 yrs......what to do i dun wan him to walk back his old life style so i may need to sacrifice a bit of my lifestyle. Although im not really happy about it but when i think back it is worth for me to do so at least now he is a better man. What to do.... Love is owes selfish.....I really think that i should consider of quiting my job do smthin better, I dun wan to do admin for the rest of my life, not like that i dun have any other qualification for other job, to think of it i really need to plan my future now as i dun have much time to drag again or not i'll surely regret for wasting my time doin things that i dun like. The worse part is that my current job have a good pay, come here do nothin pass time pass time, yet is so damn near my place, i just need to walk to work. What am i suppose to do? Should i just continue with what im doin now? Or should i persue what i really wan in life? Is there anyone that can help me? Is not that easy for me to adapt a new working enviroment, new things.....What am i suppose to do???????????????I've been thinking for quite smtimes but den i just dun dare to step out because i'm really afraid that i cannot accept the changes. Haiz...Guess im nothing but just a coward. No choice i dun wan to destroy my own life without proper planning. I cannot afford to lose anything. Well i guess i may need to wait for another few yrs before i make a desicion. FRIDAY???? Why am i feeling so down this friday? Cant i be more happier? Is a long weekend...... COme on be happier!!! Is a time for some rest after such a busy week..... I really love clubbing so much to the extent whenever i hear that i have a chance to go clubbing there is owes a smile on my face. But i should be contented with what i have now and is enough for me le should really stop.... I can never once say no to clubbing. This is smthing i must change. Whenever ppl ask to go clubbing and i cant go i'll be very very upset wan lei.... No good No good.....Shouldnt be this way....Haiz..... Im really very very bored...........~ B ~ O ~ R ~ E ~ D ~
Haiz.... as usual at work in the morning feeling very sick yet no one cares including my boyfriend... I seriously dun understand why ....After wat i said to him few weeks back it seem tat our relationship haven been so well... Guess i really mess up everything. I should have juz keep my mouth shut or either be firm with my decision that time but i couldn't make it as i really treasure this relationship so much that i really dun wan to let go but smtimes when i think about it i feel like im wasting my time on things that i have no confidence in. what am i suppose to do? i noe im gonna regret letting go this relation but i really feel insecure when im with him. maybe is because of how we start in this relationship that makes me feel so insecure . Although he have been treating me very nice or even give in to me everytime yet i still feel insecure. He never throw his temper on me no matter how unreasonable i am he juz wont get angry. Issit because he love me too much that he cannot bare to even scold me? or is he juz trying to persuade himself that in a relationship there should be give and take? but what he is doin making me more insecure because he never show his true color to me... to me i feels that juz the mattter of time that he will exploded and said forget it i dun wan anymore. den wat am i suppose to do when this day come? should i be happy that he finally let me go? or should i blame myself never try hard enuf to understand his needs? Whenever he tells me that is none of my business that he break up with his ex-gf but is not convince enuf for me. I owes thought that he is using me to forget his 8 yrs gf. wat ever he says to me never ever once convince me that he doesnt love his ex-gf anymore and is me that he love. 8 yrs lei how do u expect me to believe that? I tried my best to believe in him but Im someone who will never ever make myself hurt. I agree that im selfish, im juz protecting myself, i dun wan to get hurt. Issit wrong? is not the 1st time i tell u that i wan to break up, i know whenever i say this u will be very hurt but im really scare that one day when u come and tell me that u dun wan me anymore.... is not that i cannot take it, is juz that i dun wan to waste my time dragging with you when i have no confidence at all that im gonna be with you till the end. Lately after what happen i see changes in u. So r u gonna fix the 2 yr thing? if you do pls let me noe. is not that i dun love u is juz tat i dun think that we can be together so y wanna waste our time. To me you never show that u gonna be with me for the rest of your life. do you noe that when you say that you wanna make me pregnant im really very scare u noe. but u never once say that you wan to married me, u only says that u wan the baby. so wat do u think that will come to my mind? you never care bout me at all wat u care is u wan babies only. do u think that whenever u said all these is funny if you trying to tell me that is juz joking? i dun take this kind of jokes lo i take it seriously to the extentd i think that i should juz let go this relationship as i dun see a point of happiness with you in my future. You said this b4 :there is this 2 person walking on the beach but end up with only one foots step is not because the other person have been left out but is been carried by the other person. i remember this very well because i wanna tell you that i wanna walk with you side by side not by you carry-ing me in the back. remember the reason that i tell u? if you dun wan to face everything with me den y do u need me for? arent you tired?In love is a wonderful thing but why it feels so tiring to me.
