21 August 2006

he came to my hs i very happy but den everytime ppl come my hs will do the same thing wan which is watch tv den slep den i cant slep...haiz...sianz...i dun like this feeling but no choice but to accept cuz there is nothin i can do oso.i fuckin damn broke now left wif nothin....no more money left tomolo hav to eat grass le....my cigarette finish le somemore...den now cant slep will definitly smoke alot wan lo...tomolo no money to eat le no cigarette somemore damn it la regreted so much i bought the bracelet n the ring cost me 300 wif that 300 i can do alot of thing sia...damn angry la...
now i alone here writting my blog i thought he came find me he suppose to talk to me not sleeping...anyway cant really blame him oso he got to work...more things for him to do.haiz...now i cant slep...early in the morning i wake up at 9 den go find leyna den came back to my place i pack my room at least not so messy now....but den haiz,,,,one whole day of doin things even worse den working in the end of the day he juz slep den left me alone...haha....funny....y would i waste such a time doin all these shit when ppl r not appreciate it.well nevermind one time can le....everytime like this ppl will juz take thing for granted....
ppl say that it will only last for 3 months...lets juz sit n wait....everyone saying the same thing so wat do u think?i start to feel very insecure since everyone saying the same thing which mean thing will not work out fine... although we might go through the 3 months but will juz only to proof to ppl that we can b together so no point lo...my b the other person suit u more lo.u shouldn't hav choose me in the 1st place...now almost everyone noe le...initially i wan everything to secret cuz i noe there will b ppl saying this but looks like quite alot ppl noe le.i start to feel very scare the feeling now is diff le...no longer like 1 week back...everyime i blog i can never post it cuz wat ever i say inside here cant let anyone noe...i very xin ku ar...i cant share anything to anyone beside leyna moreover leyna can never understand how i feel.she will only say aiya...juz go ahead lo.now all i can do is write it out hopefully one day i can post lo...nobody noe how i feel....i really love u alot lo....thats y when ppl say tat we cant last 3 months...i feel very sad lo...cuz the person who say this is the person who close to u lo.they noe u well enuf to judge lo.what should i do sia...my most active time is at nite but ur most active time is on the day so i dun think we can really communicate well.i can only think at nite n oso at nite is where i most sensitive time i tend to think more...everytime i can slep n it owes happen when i hav to work next day.sianz.....y everytime like tat...y cant i hav a peaceful nite wan everytime.i seriously very tired le.
wat happen nowadays make me think alot.wat margaret say wat u tell me bout wat jason say.bout wat my sis say to me.everyone juz think tat we cant last long we juz been together for like 2 weeks...ppl juz pour ice water on me...why why why why?????????since is so hard y dun u juz go back to ur gf i think she suit u better since everyone else oso tink so y not u juz give ur gf another chance...mayb she will b more sensitive to ur feeling after wat happen.y not u think n try to give her another chance?u wan to take a break den when u wake up le u let me noe den is time for me to leave u.dun make me drop so deep le den leave me let me hav some time to prepare.i hav a very bad feeling that these day will come very soon...i very scare le cuz i noe i love u le....i oso hav a feeling we wont work out...remember i told u i think alot wan espeacially at nite when im alone...u r here but u slept i noe u r tired so i dun wan to disturb u but...mayb i think too much....let juz hope this nice moment will last a bit more longer mayb at tat time i'll b very sad but is ok i juz wan to spend more time wif u.but looks like we dun hav much time together as u n i hav to work....i rally very long never cry le but i cry twice which is when i wrote this blog n another one....being in love is not like ta wan should b happy everyime wan but y would i cry weird....i not happy i dun dare to let u noe....i cry oso i dun dare to let u noe...i feel so useless to compare to ur gf mayb u should give her a chance....since everyonr think tat is bczu of me u break wif ur gf it make me more guilty...i remember i told u i dun like ppl saying this...i dun care whoever it is i juz dun like ppl say me.
u noe y i keep lookin at u?cuz i noe i would lose u one day n this day will come soon...tats y i wan to cherish every single moment when im wif u.god wont treat me so nice wan....dear dear im sorry to say all these but i really dun feel nice....y dun u juz let me go...only 2 weeks nia i cried twice when i think of this but wat if is longer?how would i feel?i really dun dare to think lo....after writting all these out i feeling much more better n can think more straight....write everything out leden i think i can sleep le....now i should continue think to the bright sight....this happen all the time when nite falls....sianz...y would i b so emotional at nite all the time...haiz...how i wish u r awake to company me den i wont think so much but too bad u too tired to company me le...nothin i can do oso u need rest....i juz cant find anyone tat really suit my timing....wat should i do to make a person understand how i feel when is nite time?am i askin too much?well if that is the case den there is really nothin i can do...guess u wont noe me well enuf if the timing is not rite for us...

22 August 2006

once again he sleep b4 me.i said b4 my most active time is at nite....but y issit everytime u must drink le den u will tell me so many things den in the end tomolo u will forget everything thats is wat i scare the most...i dun wan u to forget everything u said u noe...that is y i dunno how to trust u not that i dun wan to trust u.u noe i dunno how to express my feeling through words but i will say more things n do more things at nite that u owes miss cuz u will sleep by den.guess u will not hav a chance to feel it unless u r willing to sacrifice ur time.i remember u said that u dun mind but den everytime u will sleep....juz now i said i wanna talk but when i silent juz 1 min u sleep le...haha....sad...it is juz too bad that u wont b able to noe how i feel bout u if u can never company me at nite.well i dun blame u no choice lo who ask my timing n normal ppls timing r diff.anyway i guess even u noe oso i will still ask u slep cz u hav alot things to do no matter u hav off day o not ur plans r owes full wan lo.cant blame u too...i'll try to change my timing but i think very hard la....u will never noe how much i love u lo.juz b4 i come out from the room i cried....cuz i really very kek sim ar...whenever i wanna talk ppl will slep...guess is juz so wrong my timing r diff...anyway no choice lo...there is nothin i can as well....

31 August 2006

i dunno wat happen to me...i called him this afternoon 1st thing i wake up.i juz dun like it that u talk to me like u dun care like tat..anyway last nite i was really happy to c u receive the present....seing u so happy i was really happy...dear dear i love u so much....i noe u very angry when u c my blog cuz i can post all bout my ex bf but i cant post anything bout u....im sorry...but one day u will c all my blog full of ur stuff....
let's start from the 1st day i go mos wif u......
this is the 1st pic we took in mos the 1st time we club together oso make me feel lost...i still remember it clearly tat he had to leave early cuz his gf came juz when he wanna leave he gimme a peek on my cheeck haha....i wanna laugh den he hold my hand...haha....i totally lost....dunno wat's happenin so i treat as i drunk le he juz trying to be helpfull scare i fall down....but he do that when his gf is infront my god....and i did nothin but to let him hold my hand...haha...when i wanna take the pic he say's that he dun really take pic wan le but i force him to take at least one pic wif me.
follow on he came my hs once when we had a same day off....but only for awhile around 1 hour plus...i was really surprise that he came didn't expect that he will come look for me...den one day his gf came to find him....when he reach his gf hs he online had smthing to do he talked to me in msn n ask me y am i so weird today after his gf came...hmmm....haha... i dunno how to ans him so i juz say nothin lo he think too much le...haha...but den another thing tat surprise me which is when i say i dun wan to disturb him doin his stuff he says that he wan me to company him...hmm...im so confuse tat time but i juz dun wan to think much so i treat as nothin lo...den when my msn sign out he msg me ask me where did i go den ask me faster online he oso say he miss me le....haha...i treat all that as a joke...but den...
the second time we go mos...he dun wan to go actually n i was really angry cuz leyna keep askin him n P to go but they all dont seem like wanna go den everything like very messy like tat den i angry le juz msg him tell him tat if he dun wan to go den dun go la i dun like to force ppl wan.i oso dun need them to go....but surprising he msg tell me he is goin n will b there at 1130....haha but he reach b4 me whn he is there at mos i still at home....haha...when i reach after a few cups of drink he told me that he came to day bcuz of me...i was shock...den everything start to b so blur le...den he say he had a crush on me den i shoot him i thought u say u very faithful wan den he juz kiss me....my eyes wanna roll out le....i was so shock that is the last thing i thought it will happen...end up we kiss n kiss n kiss....haha...but at that moment i juz treat as he is drunk n dunno wat he is doin so i juz play along....cuz he normally will forget everything in the next day wan...tat nite he insist asking me go his hs...but luckily i never if not i will feel damn guilty cuz at that point of time he is still wif his gf...

One Mistake Pays Up Life Time

Recently something that i never thought it will happen in my life, happen. How i wish all these thing never happen to me. because of one thing that i almost lose someone whom love me so much and someone who is alwasy there for me. I really regreted that i actually say it out and i know that i really hurt him so much. All i can say is I'm really very very sorry. I didn't know why this happen. I never ask for you to forgive me even if you do I'll never forgive myself for hurting you like that. I know that after i tell you that i don't love you it really hurts you. Im so so sorry. Maybe you are right that i didn't wanna admit that i actually love you. Well all i can say is that im really sorry that i hurt you with those words.
It is not easy for you n me to be together for so long i never really expect that you will be with me for such a long time. You came in the right time, right place in my life. You bring me so much hapiness. You thought me a lot of things in life. I always tell myself that I cannot let u go because I know that one day i'll regret if i dun make u stay. I'll never ever find anyone that can stand my temper, unreasonable, childish better then you do. I choose to believe in you that without me you will go mad. I waited for 2 yrs to see result in you I really don;t want you to cockup everything just because of me. I doesn't want you to walk back your old path so i decided to be with you because i know that you will change to be a better person for me. I really hope that you don't disappoint me. you said you can so i trusted you. Hope that you can prove to me that my decision is right and you really worth me loving you.